Born for a Purpose

A farmer is sat in his local getting drunk when the barman wanders over and says, “Grateful as I am for the business, it’s a beautiful day out there, why aren’t you out there enjoying it?” The farmer shakes his head, “Some things you just can’t explain.” “Want to talk about it?” asks the barman, sensing a problem. “Sure,” replies the farmer. “Earlier I sat milking my cow and just as I got the bucket full she lifted her leg and kicked the whole lot over.” “That’s not so bad,” says the barman. “That’s what I thought,” replies the farmer. “After all, some things you just can’t explain.” “So what happened then?” asks the barman. “Well, I took her left leg and tied it to a post,” explains the farmer. “But just a few minutes later her right leg kicked the bucket over again!” “Some things you just can’t explain, eh?” laughs the barman. “Right,” says the farmer. “So I tied that leg to another post, started milking again and then her tail knocks the bucket over!” “So what did you do?” asks the ...

Knowing how women’s minds work, I almost feel sorry for Jesus had he decided to live a normal life and got married, had kids, and the like. I can just see his wife saying…. What do you mean you were wandering in the desert for forty days? Don’t give me that fake story about not eating or drinking for forty days and being tempted by Satan. I think you must be having an affair but you are too dumb to come up with a convincing lie. You mean that other woman was not cooking for you? The other day I heard that you asked a certain Samarian woman for water. Does it mean that our tap has run dry for you to go begging for water? I figure out that you were not actually after any water… you had your own designs. Why ask her about her husband…… And what about that woman who touched you (your shirt) and felt well. Hee! She felt good! Where did she feel good?! Answer me! Where?! How? I also need to feel good….! I swear if I catch you cheating I’m leaving and I’m taking the kids with me. Then even...

Four friends, who hadn’t seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.The first guy said, “My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he’s the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.” The second guy said, “Darn, that’s terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He’s so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.” The third man said: “Well, that’s terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own constr...

** ROLL DOWN TOU YOU ** KISS BEFORE YOU READ ** ” P D N F”— please do no fold Roll down to you sweetiepie Babe! Time and ability plus double capacity has forced my pen to dance automatically on this benedicted sheet of paper. Why! this miraculous thing happened is because papie I love you spontaneously and as I stand horizontal to the wall and perpendicular to the ground I only think of you, since you are a fantastic and fabulous guy. papie please stop haranguing with the feelings in my heart because I love you more than a snake loves rat. The matter is so important that even as I am writing my adrenalin is rocking 100 on the Reitcher scale, my temperature is rising, the wind vane of my mind is pointing North, South and East at the same time while the convex mirror in my eyes has only your divine image at its focal point. To me each day starts by thinking of you and ends by dreaming of you. Each time I see you my metabolism suddenly stops and my peristalysis goes in reverse ge...

Little Johnny hears the word whorehouse in school and asks his father what it means. His father is quite shocked, and replies, Well, uh, you go there to, uh, have a good time. Johnny starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go there, too, but his father insists that he’s too young. Saturday night rolls around. Johnny’s dad and a few of his friends head out to Mable’s (Liquor In The Front, Poker In The Rear! — Our Customers Come First!) for a good time.  Naturally, Little Johnny tags along secretly. After his dad and his dad’s friends have been safely inside for some time, Little Johnny knocks on the door. The madame opens the door. Yes? she asks. I’m here to have a good time!, Johnny Says The madame is a little puzzled, but, being a kind-hearted soul, invites Little Johnny inside. She gives him three donuts and then bids him goodbye.  When he gets home, his dad is frantic. (Dad obviously had come and gone at Mabel’s.) Where have you been? I went to a WHOREHOUS...

One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down. The mechanical engineer said, I think a rod broke. The chemical engineer said, The way it sputtered at the end, I think it’s not getting enough gas. The electrical engineer said, I think there was a spark and something’s wrong with the electrical system. All three turned to the computer engineer and said, What do you think? The computer engineer said, I think we should all get out and then get back in.